Mr Jezza Clarkson
In the media you hear politicians saying children should read more and spend less time on their Playstations, and 360's. Well Ive grown up with the consoles and DVD's (it started with VHS (I sadly cant remember BetaMax vs. VHS, but I will remember HD-DVD or Blu-ray :D)) I spent many hours in the garden, with a football, or a cricket ball in the spring and summer, but with the winter months and less time, the DVD player has gotten more and more use. (Its only just had to have the laser replaced as the discs were playing poorly) Where’s this going, yes books, everyone has said to me for many years that I should read, I’ve always thought, why read a story when I can watch a DVD of the book. School English lessons with shakespeare (no capital s for I don’t think he deserves one) and then the class reading of a story that takes 2 months to read, because you can only read 5 pages at a time because you have to talk over every page as you read it.
All of this lead to reading not being enjoyable or interesting, and then none of it made sense, well half of it didn’t, so we watch the back then, Video of the book, and suddenly all is clear. So for a long time I didn’t do reading, but a few autobiographies' later and I had enjoyed reading a book. I’ve decided that its non-fictional (the ones that aren't made up I like). For Christmas I got The World According to Clarkson, it arrived a little late; presumably Mr Postman was a little late, along with Mr Amazon. It was brilliant, blog-esq entries made up of his Sunday Times columns. Consecutive nights, reading until 4 or 5 am, and I read the book in a few days (again an unheard of), but just to add the amazement of the people at home, I even went out and brought the next book in the series of the World According to Jezza, I can count on one hand the number of books that I've brought out of choice, and man with two missing figures could do it on one hand too! Nearly every chapter had a chuckle, and many had full blown laughter, the part of the book that has stuck with me the most, and explains the cover to the book is when Mr Jeremy "Top Gear" Clarkson shot David Beckham.

Chapter name:- A Murderous Fox Has Made Me Shoot David Beckham

Jezza has a nice big house, and is now keeping some livestock in his garden, and sadly to the children’s horror he was awoken with the body of a dead Chicken, Mr Michael Owen, and he had been decapitated. So after a few minutes more of blame being put upon "His Tonyness" Jezza has spent £350 on a house for the chickens and fencing etcetera. However Mr Campbell is the next to go, and with this in mind night vision goggles are brought, however; "Unfortunately they were made in Russia, which is another way of saying: 'made badly by someone who's drunk' so they don’t work very well'" "At close range they’re fine, but anything more than three or four inches everything’s just a blur. Certainly if this is the best Russia can come up with now, we really didn’t have anything to worry about in the Cold War. Its tanks would have ended up in Turkey after its air force had spent the night bombing the Irish Sea"

"However if you concentrate hard you can just tell what’s an organic life form and what’s a stone mushroom. And so, as the last vestiges of sunlight faded from the western horizon and the sky went black, I was to be found at my bedroom window with a 12-bore Barretta at my side. Mr Foxy-Woxy was going to die."
"By one in the morning I'd nearly polished off a bottle of Brouilly and it was becoming increasingly hard to figure out what was what in the green world in infrared. There was a glow in the garden where before all had been dark. I made a mental, if slightly drunken, calculation about where this was in relation to various trees, before putting the night-vision goggles down, picking up the piece and firing. Next morning my wife was distressed to find that her Scott’s of Stow chair had been blown to smithereens. And I’m afraid she could not be persuaded that through the night-vision goggles it had looked like a fox. "Maybe through beer goggles" she said.
So the next night I was forced to stake out the garden, sober. This meant I was still awake and alert at three when I noticed movement by the cage. I raised the gun and once again the serenity of the still night air was shattered as the weapon spat a hail of lead.
Over breakfast the next day there was a scream from down the garden. 'You f****** idiot. You've shot David Beckham''. And I had.

So now I've been banned from late-night sentry duty and I'm stuck. I can't put poison down because the dogs will eat it. And I cant use the dogs to get the fox because Mr Blair will be angry. What's more I can't simply let nature take its course, because then all my hens will be killed and we'll end up eating supermarket eggs and dying of salmonella, listeria or whatever it is they say will kill us this week" Even funnier when read with the whole entry, rather then my digest, but I hope that's made you giggle. Seeing as I have brought the next one, and I'm reliably informed that there is something similar that’s been written by an ambulance driver, I feel that I should go and read some more of part two, before looking for the third book. It’s a miracle, it could be Valentines Day and I will have read three, count them, one, two, three books!!!!
Quotations taken from The world According to Clarkson Vol 1, written by Mr Clarkson, published by the nice people at Puffin